Hashem is really cool. He ROCKS. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He is really awesome. Which brings us to…yirat shamayim.
For years, I thought to myself. I love Hashem, He does all these amazing things for me, and we’re tight, I feel Him in my daily life, moment to moment. He’s there. Because we’re so chummy, I figured that my relationship to Him is unbalanced, too much with the ahava and not enough with the yirah. So I davened for more yirah, I asked for brachot for yirah, and years down the line, nothing has changed. And I JUST realized why. (It’s creepy.)
Over the years I have learned what yirah really means. It doesn’t mean quaking in our boots, it means appreciating what Hashem does for us and having an internalized sense of awe. When I speak to amazingTorah teachers, people like Rabbi Tatz, Rebbetzin Heller, etc., I get all meek and can’t get my words out because I’m like “WOAH, they’re amazing!” And this is kind of how I figured I should be relating to Hashem, that I should be less in the chummy mode and more in the Father/daughter mode, with more respect, etc. But I had it all wrong.
There are two modes of relationship here, but it’s not quite as I imagined. Really, it’s a 2 way channel. The yirah is Hashem’s showering his blessings upon us, and giving us things to be thankful for, and our appreciating it. This part, B”H, I have under my belt, completely internalized. But then comes PHASE 2, which is ahava, the giving component. It’s when we “give” of ourselves to Hashem, the self sacrafices we are expected to make, like getting up and going to daven instead of dilly dallying when we’re in the middle of something fun or otherwise engaging, like, for example, writing on our blogs.
EEk. There is work to be done.