I just had a moment of G-d’s smacking me upside the head, and I thought I would share it with you all not to show you what an idiot I was being but to be another sign pointing to Hashem’s awesomeness.
I was sitting in the office when one of my co-workers, one of the temps, put on an obscene and explicit tv show to watch while they were stuffing envelopes. From the very first line, it was explicit, and although I couldn’t see the screen from where I was sitting, I could still HEAR everything. I asked him/her to please put on a different show, this person knows that I am not into this sort of thing and why, as they grew up frum, and told me to “quit being such a baby, you can listen to it for 20 minutes.” And then s/he made it louder. I explained (because I have lots of faith in people) that I really don’t want to have such things in my head, and spend lots of time and energy trying to avoid such things. S/he ignored me, and I got annoyed. (“SEE HOW UNCOUTH THIS PERSON IS?!?!?!…s/he has bad middot and of course s/he went off the derech, ungrateful inconsiderate [insert insult here].” Until I remembered that every life situation is from Hashem for us to learn from. Don’t get mad at the messenger. Get the message. And I realized that – I recently had what I would like to call a FILTERING OPPORTUNITY. Not something so obscene or horrid, but definitely I would have been better off without it. I trivialized the decision, I didn’t filter, and now Hashem is telling me that I have to see this part of myself and be more careful with what I let in. ME. Not this person. (That is his/her responsibility, and there is NOTHING I can say at this point that would be received, s/he is too angry with life at this stage.)
Hashem taught me a nice lesson. I hope it sticks. That was close.
So now I am drowning it out with a shiur blasting on my iPod.