In response to Frum Satire…

WordPress is being OPPRESSIVE and I am not going to sit down and take it, so here is the rejected post, the only way I can slip it through.

You can read frumsatire’s original and excellent posting that spawned my little rant HERE.

Awesome post…Ben Yehuda, why do you spell kiddush like Quiddich?   Sorry I just have to ask even though I can’t spell for my life generally.

My first thoughts were that divorce announcements at a seder seem REALLY inappropriate until I realized that there are few things more appropriate.  That is personal freedom (my thoughts on divorce are not this one sided and I am shelving them for the time being.)

Ok, yo, Hesh, I’m really glad that you finally had a good seder.  It’s always good to have a seder upgrade and btw you know you now have to post a video of your fire sounds.  I think my friend’s husband (his name is Gedaliah) does the best ones, personally, but you can try to beat it.
Inflatable alligators and pineapple sound rocking.  YAY for shaking things up!

BTW making aliyah forever and keeping one day of chag is so the way to go.  People end up getting more into it because in chu’l people spend the first night being exhausted and don’t get into it as much since they can always do it better the second night.  And then the second night it’s boring because of the whole we-just-did-this deja vu thing going on.  Here we get to give it all we’ve got and BOOM it works.

My family used to do pesach roadtrips.  We’d arrive at our destination the morning of seder, and rush through so fast that we were done by 10:30 because after 24 hours in the car, we were wiped.  HATED IT.  Not as much as the 7 or 8 different kiddushes we had to sit through when I was younger (cousins made each adult male make their own) and the only person who used to kick me under the table was my cousin.  Then I’d get sent to his room, he’d get sent to his brother’s room, and we’d each cry ourselves to sleep while tantruming about how life is unfair. And we’d wake up in time for the end of maggid and have to join for the rest of the seder when we would fight again.
Life was more unfair for me.  I told said cousin I was asking for Sega Genesis for my afikoman present and he liked the idea so he asked too.  Only his family was richer than mine, so he got it and I didn’t and he didn’t let me play.  He sent me a letter gloating instead.

Why did I just tell you all that?  Oh right – because…

The injustices of pesach were many.

Welcome to the future.

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A Lesson for the Ages.

Never leave a book you plan to borrow OUT on the shelf in the household it belongs.

Chol hamoed is a good time for catching up with yourself, with friends, and with G-d.  And your reading (esp. Jew reading.)  So I was over at my friend’s house, looking through her family’s book shelf, and I see a book that I have wanted to read for a few years, basically since it was first published.  (That one on Mystical Music or something, by Rabbi Trugman.)  So I asked my friend if I could borrow it, and she said “sure” and I put it on the edge of the bookshelf to take before I leave. (And wrote a run-on sentence.)

Along comes her mom, sees the book, and starts reading.  Now if her mom starts reading it, you know I can’t borrow it until she’s done.  That would be rude.  So it could be a good few months.  And when your friend is engaged and getting married in a few weeks, you might not be in their house for a LOOOOOOOOONG time.

Man plans and G-d laughs, again!

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I forgot I was this funny/weird.

My brother just sent me an e-mail that he found lost in the archives of his outgoing e-mails.  I believe he was practically in hysterics.  Apparently (I forgot, but now I remember…) I sent this e-mail from his account to some LONG time ago.  With my brother’s permission, of course.  I used to love this website but then I stopped visiting so I wonder if the question was ever answered.  I advise y’all to check it out.

Anyway, this is what I wrote.  LOL!

Dear Vampire Bear,
I am asking you this question via a website as it is REALLY EMBARASSING and I want to make sure things remain anonymous.  Please do not be offended however.    My question is this.  I seem to have a thing for a member of a different species than myself, and I think that there is a BIG age difference between me and my love interest as well.  (I must  confess, its YOU.  I don’t know how old you are, but I suspect you must be at least in your 400’s, and I am only in my double digits!  What am I thinking?  I don’t know!  But you are so darn cute!) That having been said, is this so wrong?  And are you available?  If not please help me to get over you, as if I can’t have you right now I think I will go and eat large quantities of ICE CREAM.  
-Human Girl.

If anyone sees that he responded, please post a link to my site.  Ah, nostalgia!

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Some things I just truly do not get. Help me out here?

What would you do if the last person you dated semi-seriously was married with a bun in the oven?  What would you do if you never thought of them except when they had some major life-event going on
 (that you didn’t find out about until afterwards) or when they suddenly came in close proximity to you (which, again, you didn’t find out until afterwards)  Basically I went out with someone AGES ago and never think of him unless something major is going on.  First, I feel like I’m going to see him on a date, and then I do…his first date with the person who ended up being his WIFE.  Then, one night, suddenly I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about him and I later found out that at that time he was proposing to said gal.  Then I randomly thought of him for a few days (I am so over him so this is weird) and I find out he’s in Israel.

And then, just when I’m about to go on a (first) date with some guy, he pops into my head again.  I thought that was just because this was the best sounding guy I had had since the fellow in question.  Comparisons or something?  Anyway, there I am, out on this date, having more fun on a date than I’ve had in a LONG TIME and guess who comes strolling past?  Old guy and wifey.  WHY?  What am I supposed to be learning from this?  Its not emotional, it’s not making me nostalgic, it’s just plain WEIRD. 

I know everything happens for a reason, but I don’t get it.  Suggestions, anyone?

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A pop-in posting..

Contrary to what one would expect, even when I make some grand declaration that I am not posting on a regular basis anymore, people still check in.  And for some reason I have had a massive increase in visitors this week.  Weird.  Hi guys!  It’s nice to see you’re still peeking!

 Anyway…being fairly distractable, I’ve forgotten what I came here to write about, but I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with something.  No promises that it will be interesting though.  I used to try and talk about some broad issues that touched the jewish community or the world at large, something that actually had an impact.  Dunno when I switched over to little boring snipits of my life.  Or why.

Many hours later…

“Cages or wings,which do you prefer?  Fear or love, baby, don’t say the answer, actions speak louder than words.”

Just a thought that was on my mind for a moment.

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“You’ve got mail.”

I know I said I wasn’t posting but sometimes I just can’t resist.  I just got the following e-mail from someone one one of those dating websites.  I don’t know how to paste it in, for some reason it won’t let me, but I think this one is worth sharing.

“It’s no wonder why you can’t get married.  At least I was married twice, divorced once and widowed once, which is toooooo painful for me to talk about, which is why it’s not on my profile.  By FFB standards you’re an old maid.  I doubt you’ll ever get married but I wish you luck in trying.”

Now, I am very torn between being entertained and being so sad that this person actually exists in the world and has to live with this personality of his.  And it all came about because I replied that I wasn’t comfortable dating someone who is over 20 years older than me.  Can we all daven for this guy?

On a different note, yesterday was really fun ‘cuz I found a hefker couch (quite pretty!) and I dragged it across Yerushalayim which means 1 – Nice couch, 2 – Good workout, 3 – good fun!

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A Hiatus (perhaps – FOREVER! Who knows?)

To whoever cares…I am, as of late, too busy living my life to write about it here on a regular basis. If you love me, you are welcome to check in. In the meantime, don’t worry, be happy. 🙂 (‘cuz Hashem is in charge and He ALWAYS takes care of business!)

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